If Memory Serves Me - - -

If my memory serves me correctly - (hahaha!) I was never overly fond of grocery shopping.  The fact of the matter is, it was a chore.  Today, it was heaven!  I got to go out and smell wonderful things!  Mostly in the bakery department.  Sam's Club was my adventure location today.... My husband and I left a hefty amount of money there!  We "needed" so much.  But, even though I was so glad to go out, it was ridiculously hot in the warehouse store.  I was thrilled to be out in public, until I noticed the heat!  Unfortunately, when I get warm and then hot, I seem to notice pain exponentially.  I have been working so so so hard on healing, and resting.  I made it through my portion of the checkout process, then sat down and watched as my husband went through his.  The thrill of grocery shopping is proportional to amount of time I have spent home alone while healing.  If only we were done with shopping when we were done at Sam's Club.  Sadly, we weren't. 

I am healing well, and I now that I know there is enough toilet paper, paper towel, strawberries and hot dogs to last a long time - or 4 weeks, I can resume resting.  Last night was not restful.  Perhaps it was the anticipation of grocery shopping, or the fact that I have a bladder that is the size of a pin head.  I am not yet familiar enough, nor do I have enough program variety on the Neurostimulator to determine if it is helping my bladder.  It is not anywhere near as physically irritating as the 3 Interstim Neurostimulators that I had for my bladder.  But, it also doesn't have the wonderful little side effect that the Interstim had!  Additionally, I have not yet kept the Neurostimulator on during the night.  Perhaps in the future.

I have noticed that sometimes when pain in a specific area is reduced, my body says "I have been meaning to demonstrate the following pain," and does.  Also, I am hyper focused on pain during my healing period.  The Neurostimulator continues to provide reduced leg pain, pain with standing, and lower back pain.  The pain in my right rib cage, from the Neurostimulator, continues to frustrate me, cause uncomfortable pressure, and make breathing difficult.  I decided to not ask for an adjustment prior to my appointment on September 10th, because as the lead and device are settling in, the feeling of it is changing. 

Yesterday afternoon, I waited outside for my husband to get home from work.  It is still a million degrees outside.  I walked 1 1/2 houses unassisted (no walker) while waiting.    I don't count walking with a shopping cart or walker.  Although it usually hurts, it was never as painful as walking unassisted. 

Finally, while I have been resting, I have been reading a lot.  Having finished a book last Sunday evening, I started "Middlesex" on Monday.  Recently, it has been easier for me to read books that require little to no mental capacity.  This was not such a book, and I was not enjoying it.  I decided that resting would be more effective, without the frustration of reading that book, and began a series of 5 Nora Roberts books.  Much less stressful to read a predictable book that I can "rest" through!

Today I have been up and around a lot.  Shopping and rubber stamping.  Hoping for little to no repercussions.

Where Did The Knot Go?

Waking up each day knowing I was going to be in pain at least 90% of the day was mind numbing.  It also caused a giant knot in my stomach.  I was constantly stressed, at a level that only a chronic pain sufferer would understand.  And as each day went by, the knot grew!  Prior to getting the Neurostimulator, I had numerous RFA's to annihilate the nerve's that hurt.  I always did this under sedation, because my nerves were unpredictable - and getting them stabbed was painful.  The only time it wasn't painful, and I knew there were guaranteed moments of no pain, was when I was given sedation prior to the procedure.  For a few seconds of bliss there was no knot or pain.

Now I am waking up lighter each day.  Much of the stress is gone.  I know I will probably hurt later, but I also know I can help that pain.  I do not like the higher dose pain meds, I know I have said that before.  It is still true.  I feel that I cannot make words or memory come together the way they should.

What I have discovered about the Neurostimulator, is that it is primarily positional.  If I keep it at 5 bars, I can alleviate the leg pains caused by laying on my right side.  But, I can also alleviate some of the walking, standing, and sitting pain with the same setting on the Neurostimulator.  This alleviates my having to constantly change the settings.  Additionally, the settings are quite sensitive.  If I go up 1 bar too high I find it is difficult to breath, and I feel queasy.  Yuk!
This experimentation is interesting.

What I Can Do -As The Journey Takes Another Step

I just walked - down my driveway and over 2 houses and back!  It isn't a million degrees this morning, but the humidity sure makes it feel that way.  In 2004 when I gave up walking, I used to walk 2 1/2 miles every day, and then go to the gym to walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes and the dot the circuit.  This wasn't exercise as much as it kept my weight even, for all the "bad" foods I would eat later.  By the end of 2004, my left knee was pretty well shot and was being pampered until I was ready for a replacement , or my knee no longer functioned.  Hubby and I moved, because of a lose of my disability pay, and while setting up for a wedding reception in the "new" house I fell putting a table together.  And now my back had to be pampered!  No more exercise for me for now.

So today was another step forward.  Over the weekend I walked a few houses and stood still for about 5 minutes.  The pain had not debilitated me.  I hurt, that is to be expected.  But it was a totally functional hurt.  Since I am still adjusting to the leads and what the program I have does, I may have turned it up too high.  I say this because when the program is turned up, my right rib cage hurts and I get very queasy!  Once I get that queasy feeling it is hard to let go of.  Another problem I am having is, clothing on my incisions for too long.  Even the softest clothing puts pressure on the incisions after a few hours.

I was going to complain about the hand held device that I use to change my settings, however, I just learned from my rep that they may go to a smart phone application.  At that point I will go get a smart phone!  He gave me a few hints, and hopefully when we meet up on September 10, he will be able to make adjustments that work well for me.  Hoping!  In the mean time, I will continue to keep track of the advancements I make.

Tomorrow I have 2 errands to run.  Hoping for the strength to get through, and not drive through Chick-Fil-A on the way home.  The rest of tomorrow will be for rest.  Today, I am going to rest for awhile, then I have a visit to the craft room planned.  Niah's blanket is tie quilted, and it is time for the borders.  That will be a tough one!

When is Grocery Shopping Fun?

When you haven't been out of the house for 2 1/2 weeks and the "good" food is all gone!!!!!!!!  Yes it was fun, no I did not push a cart with very much in it.  Plus, when Carl left to pick up items, I only got items that were arm level.  I think I may have purchased 1 or 2 nutritious things. 

I found a magnificent cake in the freezer part of the bakery, and it was on sale!  I was just ready to ask the lady working in that department to help me, when Carl came up.  Then when checking out, I asked the cashier if I could get help unloading.  Carl had gone off to get multicolored sprinkles.  she actually asked me why I wanted help.  Oh, I don't know - because you guys are getting paid and standing around doing nothing!!!!! 

I am going to call my St. Jude rep Monday and see if we can change the leads around.  I have noticed that today I have to turn the device up higher to get relief.  I wonder if that could be because I moved more today.  My leg is achy today, and my foot is a bit tingly.  Not liking that!

Waiting Was Just Too Hard!

Really!  What is the big difference between Thursday night and Friday morning?  Answer:  not enough to keep me out of the shower!  Yup!  I waiting was off the table!  Oh Boy!  Showers are a wonderful invention!  I earned this shower.  Not only for the healing powers (haha) I was sending to my incisions, but because I walked last evening.  I stood still for awhile, then went 1 1/2 houses, turned around and came home.  My hips hurt, and brought about some negative thinking.  This is an area I know Dr. Carlson can fix.  It has been a year since he did the shots that helped.  Fingers crossed that it was not the beginning of a problem.

Nothing much has changed with the Neurostimulator.   But, what has started changing is me.  I am sleeping better, not getting up and wandering in the middle of the night or getting up for Otter Pops and "other" non-nutritious snacks.  I also don't feel the dread of knowing I was about to face another day of pain.  I feel lightened by this.  Resting is still a major part of my day, but I make sure to get into the craft room for some time each day. 

Over the weekend, since my hubby is home, I am going to walk a little bit each day.  It is still a million degrees outside, so small amounts at a time.  Perhaps another movie!  I was also hoping to get out of the house for a little while.  Time will tell.

"Guilt Trip" 2nd Accomplishment

I watched this movie last evening!  Why is that so important?  I sat up - YUP I sat up, in my living room, on the couch, and watched it!  I can't remember when I last did that.  So, I consider it quite an accomplishment!  Okay - I ordered the movie by accident.  Apparently, I have no controls on my DVR box to stop that.  Note to self - add them!  Would I have intentionally chosen to sit and watch a movie?  No.  Not sitting, not in the early evening and not on the couch!  That is what makes this accomplishment amazing to me!  Oh, and it was a pretty good movie.

My pain medication schedule changed yesterday also.  I didn't need any pain medication until 12:30 PM.  BUT, then the line between not needing any and being nauseous from pain turned into a fine line.  I did not feel the need to take any more pain medication until after 7:00 pm.  This actually confused my body.  I could tell it did because I tried to go to sleep at 10:00 PM and had no luck.  I tried unsuccessfully until 11:45 then took another pain pill.  I think I had a restful night.  That doesn't mean I didn't get up every hour - or so - to go to the bathroom.  I just feel more rested today. 

Wearing clothes:  I am opposed to bras, unless there is good cause.  That is another story!  But I have noticed that wearing capri's, even soft, light weight capri's, tends to rub, put pressure on, or otherwise hurt my incisions.    I have been wearing "house" dresses, but I don't like doing this.  The reason may go back to my OCD roots - again another story!  I just feel "unwell" when wearing a house dress all day.  Crazy, I know! 

It is still early in the day, most of the things I have done have been sitting up.  While hard to judge changes, and the Neurostimulator is set for laying on my right side in bad, I can feel the changes.  I don't have the weight of debilitating pain looming over me.  I do not have disturbing pain in my right calf, or tingling, aching toes on that leg.  My lower right back, the spot that is my arch nemesis, has had a noticeable pain reduction.  Hips:  another point of contention for my pain management.  The right, which seems to have more arthritis than the left, has only mild and intermittent pain.  My left hip is quite jealous.

What does the rest of my day hold?  My kids and granddaughters are coming over for pizza, homework, and fun!  I am looking forward to that, so I am going to get a little pre-emptive rest.  I do not seem to need as much rest, as surgical pain resolves.   On Saturday, hopefully, I am going to lower the dosage of my pain medication.  I HATE PAIN MEDICATION - mostly how it makes me feel!

TMI:  Today is 2 weeks that I have not gotten to shower - - - - I know - eeeeeewwww.  Tomorrow morning - - - that hot, soapy water is mine!!!!!!

Almost Two Weeks

I think my cheeks are rosy!  Usually they are red and splotchy, a sign of pain for me.  But today is better, on many levels.  It's 10:30 AM and I have not turned on my Neurostimulator.  I had it on until 9:00 PM yesterday, and I was pleased with the results.  I did my share of laying around reading, but I also spent some time in my craft room making cards.  Quite enjoyable to be back in there.  Also very enjoyable to sit at my craft desk without my right leg and hip aching and my right foot beginning to tingle and get numb.

So, today I have not been laying around or crafting yet.  Instead, I had an appointment at my dental office to have my 1st denture adjustment.  Nice difference and adjustment makes.  Except when I try to eat with them.  This is a time will see drama. and I suspect more adjustments.

The same goes for the Neurostimulator.  I am finding it quite helpful with pain, not surgical pain, but general - this is why I got a Neurostimulator pain.  I have not had the opportunity to walk much.  I won't walk without my husband, or another person beside me.  Also, it has been 112 degrees outside and a bit humid.  I am not particularly interested in going out in that weather, unless absolutely necessary.  Regardless, that is the next phase of what I want to check out with the Neurostimulator.  I want to know if I can walk, even short distances, without pain.  Maybe Sat or Sunday I will be able to check this out at a local craft store!

Today my plan is to work on Niah's quilt and read.  I adjust the Neurostimulator based on position.  My hope is that when the device gets adjusted, I can chart which part of each lead is activated, and judge where the relief is.  I believe I need to take an engineering standpoint with this approach.  Being that there are 8 points of activation on each side of the lead, the potential for combinations is 64 (I think!)

On to my day!

New partial dentures adjusted - check
           getting in and out of van sucked!  The lumbar supports are annoying!
Exterminator sprayed house - check
Felt near complete exhaustion just after noon and had to lie down

I do not understand why on some days pain medication does nothing for or to me, and other's - like today - it knocks me on my butt.

Neurostimulator Discovery #1:  When I turn the device up too high, it makes me queasy and hurts the ribs on my right side.  Things that make you go hmmmmm!

1st Sign of Pain Relief

In my mind I am jumping for joy!   I have had the 1st sign of pain relief.  I spend more time than I "should" lying on my right side in bed - reading and/or watching TV.  This has been a source of much pain.  My hip would go numb and tingle, the outer calf on my right leg would ache terrible, and my toes and upper foot would tingle and go numb.  Since I am still in REST mod, I spend time on my side yesterday with the device turned on, and it helped! And it was awesome!  I had to make adjustments twice - but being able to rest without pain is nice, very nice.

This is the 1st step towards freedom from pain!

Well maybe the 2nd.  Yesterday morning I did walk 1 house and back.  It exhausted me.  But I did it - plus I stood for a few minutes while waiting for my husband.  And I was able to do this!  This is all a good sign.

Now if the surgical stuff would quit hurting, I could start really testing!

It is later in the day from the beginning of this post.  I guess I am more comfortable, since I spent some time in my craft room today and made a few cards.

 I am going through a complete mindset change.  For as long as I have had this unrelenting back pain, I have had less pain in the mornings, and did not require pain medication until later morning, early afternoon.  Because I am stubborn, I would let pain go as long as possible before taking pain medication.  Often to the point of nausea.  I mentally set my limit at 3 pain pills.  My dosage has changed, which made me unhappy.  I also may take up to 4 Extra Strength Tylenol (Rapid Release) up to 4 Advil/Motrin.  This morning I had convinced myself that pain medication was no longer necessary.  Yes, that was stupid!  Around noon that became very clear to me.  Apparently, I had also begun to watch the clock so didn't let the pain meds wear off all the way, before I took another.  I am not certain when this started happening. but I realized that since I was starting to feel better I didn't need to do this.  Now that I have the Neurostimulator I can wait until I feel the need for pain medication before I take it.  I will, as has been my behavior in the past, probably wait too long.

IF I Were A Patient Woman...........

How to finish that sentence???  I am absolutely positive that I would be more patient if I could shower.  But it is good to know per my husband and doctor, that I don't smell!  I really want a shower! 

My surgical pain is less today, and I will probably poke my head outside today and try to walk to the next house.  I have discovered that if I don't have pain, I don't need the Neurostimulator on.  Once I get used to it and have several programs to use, then I can experiment more fully.  That is really what this is about - experimenting.  My pain tends to change places, although it is consistently annoying me in the same places most of the time.  I know that this device is meant to help leg and back pain, I am hoping hoping hoping that it feel sympathetic towards my bladder nerves, and decides to help the Interstitial Cystitis (http://www.ichelp.org/). 

My life has changed so drastically with the onset of different pain conditions.  I fought it for many years, but ultimately the pain became so bad it was impossible for me to fight it any longer.  For many years, I was very down on myself.  I blamed myself for having to leave work, to change homes, and cars, and daily activities.  I would bet all chronic pain patients go through similar things.  During this period though, I had wonderful blessings, I got grandchildren!  It is true that this helped me feel better, and forget the pain for awhile.  What a gift!

On Friday, August 16, at my doctor's visit he suggested I find a television series to watch and catch up on that.  Maybe.  I am thinking about it.  I am also going to see about a series of books to read.  NOT Nora Roberts.  I am just not up for that.  Off to search Amazon.

Don't forget - I am still working on tying my granddaughters quilt.  The one I made for her when she was 5.  I want to be able to give it to her at her 8th birthday in October! 

I made a card last night. It has been awhile, and I have missed my crafting space.  I challenged myself to make a card for items in the areas that I could reach without violating my limits.  I am still working on loving it.  Today may bring another challenge.  With the new muscle relaxers that I got, I do not get as fog brained! 

Sunday paper awaits me, and I am getting tired already.  How that does suck!!!!!! 

******sigh******

BIG Day and beyond!

I am the type of person that will follow a diet for 1 day (OK not ALL day!) and expect to wake up skinny the next day.  And so it was yesterday.  My pain management device was activated - and I expected to wake up today free of pain - and of course skinny!  I had also expected to be able to shower when I returned from the doctor - -- that didn't happen either :(.  One more week of sponge baths to let the incisions heal.  OH - and I have to rest  It is SOOOO lucky I adore my doctor!

The rep from St. Jude came into the room my husband and I were waiting in.    The reps for Arizona are Steve Sharkey and Jason Winter.  Steve was with me during surgery - poor guy!  Jason was at Dr. Carlson's office to activate the device, explain things, and answer questions.  He was with me during the trial.  I am quite sensitive to nerve stimulation, so some tweaks were necessary.  Together we got the device working to cover my "problem" areas of pain.  I tend to collapse and slump when I am relaxed, but to get the full nerve stimulation I have to sit straight up and keep my head up.   I suspect this will take some time to get used to.  That and I still have surgical pain.  I will meet up with Steve or Jason at my next doctor's appointment to assess the area that the device is covering and add other programs to cover different areas.  As scar tissue forms, I heal and pain changes areas, different nerve groups will have to be stimulated.  So, now I get to rest, heal and work with the pattern that is set on the Neurostimulator to see if my pain is relieved.    What I have found so far is that if I leave the stimulation level the same for sitting and moving around, as I do for laying down, my toes curl a bit.  This is not very comfortable, and I have to lower the stimulation setting.  I am even working on paying attention to the little bar readout on the Neurostimulator's remote.  Later this week I may work on remembering!

Feeling Edgy

I have about had it with pain today.  I lost a cap this morning and had to rush out to the dentist.  Since I haven't dressed myself or driven since surgery this was not a good experience.  Sitting in a dentist chair was less exciting than driving - although that completely sucked.  The roads in my community are under construction!  Back to the dentist - - - I must have said "DO NOT LAY ME BACK" at least 10 times ------but she does.  I figured she would, so I was prepared.  It hurt anyway.  Then it was back in the van, and back home. 

I did not do much today.  I was hurting from my dental adventure and decided to take a full dose of muscle relaxers to make the pain vanish.  This wound up just annoying me into a stupor.  A chocolate, eat all the cookies in the house stupor.  The kind that made me realize that my house makes a ton of noise, and the twitching is annoying the heck out of me!

I got back in a housedress after my dentist visit.  Wearing a bra has become completely optional! 

And then something wonderful happened!  Mike, Steph, Niah, and Naomi came over, Carl went off to Posse, and we ordered Chinese food from our favorite restaurant.  The restaurant closes all summer, so the 1st order of the season is special - and makes Niah extra happy!  I am so very blessed to have my beautiful family close by, some awesome cousins, and my hubby! Can't wait until my grandsons and Heather are closer and I can see them and spoil them more frequently.

It is time to put down the wooooo me's for awhile and remember that the light at the end of the surgical pain tunnel ---- is relief from constant pain!  Yee haa!

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Actually NO!  I can't wait until Friday!  I am not having fun waiting for the Neurostimulator to be activated.  I am not having fun not being able to shower (TMI)!  I am not having fun with the glue/stitches/staples in my lower back and left hip.  But mostly, I am not having fun worrying about whether this process will work, and waiting to find out. 

I like resting as much as the next person, but on the 6th day enough is enough.  My body is not requiring as much rest, so now it is annoying.  I am bored.  I began quilting a blanket that has been waiting for over 2 years.  Which raises the question - am I suddenly motivated or actually that bored.  I fear the later!  I am not having fun! 

What would I consider fun at this point?  Grocery shopping would be better than waiting around for Friday.  Hurting less would be fun, even a little less.  I am unable to find a comfortable position and getting up and down is even more uncomfortable than lying still.  Which, by the way, I am not able to do.  I am having a problem with twitching.  This problem has existed, on and off, for several years, and I am not talking about little twitches.  I am talking about lift my body off the bed kind of twitches, and they occur in succession.  This evening my husband told me he was watching me twitch while I was sleeping this morning.  If and when I can find a comfortable position, one in which my right leg is not getting numb, this twitching distracts me significantly.  It might be more accurate to call the feeling a jolt rather than a twitch.  I have noticed that I occasionally feel these while sitting, which is new.  Just what I need, progressive discomfort!   

It is my most sincere hope that when the Neurostimulator is turned on and performs miraculously, relieving all of my pain, making me 4 inches taller and 100 pounds lighter, I will no longer feel tingling, numbness and/or jolt like twitching.  The temperature outside will be tolerable, my van will smell like new leather not old dirty feet.  My debit card will have an endless supply of money, and I will own every Whipper Snapper and Hero Arts rubber stamp ever made, AND every color Copic marker plus refills.  Then I will be having fun!    Will I have to drastically alter my thinking on how the Neurostimulator will work, and what will constitute fun?  Sure.  I am, after all, willing to compromise. 

Are we having fun yet?  No, not yet.  But, I am willing to consider less pain and a lower dose of pain killers fun.  I am also willing to be thrilled at taking a shower!   These are my revised standards of fun. 

Don't Fold, Stamp, or Mutilate!

NO BLT!!  That's what Dr. Carlson said to me in recovery, after surgery.  It means - - - NO bending, lifting or twisting!  That was surprisingly easy after surgery - - moving was not.  But now I am past the immediate surgical pain and into that constant feeling of knowing the incisions are present.  This in and of itself prevents BLT! 

I am constantly concerned that when I move, I may have twisted.  Or when I go to sit down, I may have bent over too far.  I look up at the ceiling in an effort to keep my back straight.  The act of sitting results in some bending - - that I cannot help. 

Once the device is turned on, on August 16, I believe I will be able to feel the change in nerve stimulation when I move, and that will give me some piece of mind that the leads are still in place and working.  That is my biggest fear!  Well that and that the device won't help. 

I am looking forward to August 16 - a lot!  I can't wait to have the device turned on - and set to areas on the leads that will help my pain.  Less pain sounds pretty awesome to me!!!!!!!!  This is when the BLT becomes hard.  When I feel better, feeling better often results in stupidity!  I am planning on taking it easy for 6 months, and letting scar tissue form around the leads and the device.  My brain is working on how to do this.  I can work on crafts!  Make more cards for Operation Write Home, and make tissue box covers, tea light holders and boxes.............  I just have to plan ahead, and have Carl reach all the items I might need for the day.  I don't know if I can use my crank Sizzix machine.  I can just imagine getting to the point of needing a shape, or embossing on a project, and clipping the items together for Carl or Stephanie to do when they are here.   Hmmmmmmmm - missing my electric Sizzix right now! 

My 1st project is organizing the Gold Canyon Candle stuff for Carl.  So he can take items to work with him.  My 2nd or concurrent project is to make 2014 calendar holders.  I did this in 2012 and it was a giant hint.  This time they have to pay their way - cost of magnets, calendars, paper, embellishments.  I have the fun of making them, but I have to replenish supplies used - so I can make the next batch....

Finally, I am going to read while I am taking it easy.  I try to read a self-help/spiritual book at the same time I am reading mindless novels.  It keeps my brain somewhat alive!  Walking kept my spirit alive and kept me focused.  I hope I can get out in the hot/yukky air. 

A little secret (haha) while I am taking it easy, I am learning to wear my partial dentures.  I am still on the uppers, and today I may try eating (really smashing and sucking).

For now - it is time to take it easy.  I hate needing more pain medication.  I snooze throughout the day then, and feel there is something I could/should be doing.  Going to rest now.

Surgical Discomfort

I hurt to much from the surgery to label it as "discomfort".  It is also tough to move,  while protecting the surgical spots without bending or twisting.  I am not having a problem with not lifting.  The pain medicine that helps make me fall asleep, and leaves me a bit furry brained. I took less in the afternoon, so I could stay awake - this was not effective.  I remained on the edge of sleepiness with a bit too much comfort to relax.  Cookies, and tortilla chips are really yummy at 1 AM!

I forgot that a constant fear the 3 other times I had neurostimulators (for bladder problems) I constantly worried about the leads moving.  In this life, I do not need anything else to obsess about thank you!

One interesting tidbit I have noticed.  The device was turned on during surgery to test for lead activity.  My brain must have taken this as a sign to not turn on the pain in certain areas.  My leg pain has been reduced, as it was during the trial.  I appreciate this, and it gives me hope for when the device gets activated on August 16.

My Journey Begins August 8, 2013

I have a lot of pain, and I have it for several reasons or causes:  Interstitial Cystitis, Fibromyalgia, and degenerative bone disease - predominately in my back.  I have screws in my back, and extra (pseudo) joint.   Things in my back - like nerves - are not where they should be.  Put this together and you get pain - chronic, often mind numbing pain.

Why did my journey out of pain begin on August 8, 2013?  Because on that date I had a St Jude Neurostimulator placed in my back, with 2 leads attached to my spine.  Prior to this, there was a 5 day trial that went remarkably well.  I was so excited to have the permanent device put in place! The surgery was a killer - and recovery doesn't have me jumping for joy - yet.  But I have high hopes for freedom over pain.  At least the spinal/back pain. 

Some of the things I stopped doing because of the pain:
     *  Working
     *  Walking
     *  Making plans
     *  Cooking/Baking
     *  Eating properly - and worrying about my weight
    
Things I want to do when I feel better:
     *  Bake
     *  Walk
     *  Travel
     *  Be less cranky!
     *  Go out more - dinner - shopping

So, I will keep up with the blog, and diagram my progress and freedom over pain.